


You Did What (Or How Hermione Granger Implicated Ginny Weasley and Luna Lovegood)

by NicWin



Series: Pop Goes the Weasel [17]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Mild Smut, Porn With Plot, Powerful Draco Malfoy, Sexual Humor, Submissive Hermione Granger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 20:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23333398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicWin/pseuds/NicWin
Summary: While Draco is enjoying a relaxing Saturday, Hermione comes in, disrupts her husband and reveals something about herself.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood
Series: Pop Goes the Weasel [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482440
Comments: 8
Kudos: 123





	1. Chapter 1

**June 2013**

“Read this,” Hermione Malfoy yelled as she barged in and threw a newspaper at her husband while he was lounging in his study with a cuppa on a quiet Saturday morning. Or it was until his wife broke the quiet serenity of his study; Draco now knows why his father had the Lord’s study warded.

Draco picked up the newspaper and grimaced. “Why on Earth are you giving me the _National Enquirer_? I don’t read that trash.”

Hermione glowered at him, “Read the headline,” she snarled just as she sat down daintily opposite him with her own cuppa, when she got it he has no clue.

_‘Luna’s tits are bigger!’_ Read the headline, _‘Ron Weasley charged with three counts of murder claims he’s a wizard in court with stunning declaration.’_ Read the subheadline. Accompanied by an unflattering courtroom sketch of Weasley on the stand.

Draco looked at the headline again then at his wife, who sat there pouting at her tea and frowning. “Well, clearly Weasley’s lost the plot but he is trying to avoid a life sentence in a muggle prison so I’m not shocked, but why are you upset?” He drawled.

“Read the article, Draco!”

Draco was taken back by his wife’s angry insistence so he opened the tabloid and began reading, as he got further into the article he began to frown as well, but internally he was laughing his arse off, and thanking the Founders for giving him his bearing. After he finished he sat there quietly concocting a plan.

“Well?” Hermione asked.

“Well, what? Like I said he’s clearly lost the plot,” Draco replied not giving away anything.

“Draco! He remembers!”

“That’ll be the day. Ron Weasley was a shite wizard when he had powers with a weak core, what makes you think that after all this time he finally remembers? A Ministry-sanctioned Obliviate is not a normal spell, nor is it like an Imperio where if you fight it you can break free from it,” Draco replies lazily, taking a drawn out sip.

“Because you berk, he remembers Luna!”

Draco arched a disbelieving brow, “Plenty of people are named ‘Luna’. I”m sure he didn’t mean Loony.”

Hermione frowned at her husband’s use of nicknames for their friends. “Do be serious, Draco, he is clearly remembering and I can’t believe you’re not more upset.”

“What makes you think he’s not just playing up the insanity angle—the article—if one wants to call it that, clearly states that and I quote: ‘ _Weasley’s public defender states that he allowed his client to speak to influence the jury into looking favorably at dismissal on account of insanity_ ’.”

“Because he refers to me!”

“Don’t be daft.”

Oh, I’m the one who’s daft, you clearly have no sense of reading comprehension,” Hermione stands up and marches over to his position on the opposite couch and points angrily at the section in question. “Read it again, your Lordship,” Hermione mocks.

Draco smirks and takes a second look at the section his darling wife pointed to.

_Weasley claims that while awaiting trial out on bail, he stumbled on an old home video of him and a former lover having sex that was released on the internet. Weasley claims that the girl in the video he watched was an old classmate acquaintance. While under cross examine by prosecutors, Weasley claims that his former lover’s breasts are bigger than a former classmate with whom he had a crush on, however, when pressed he says he couldn’t remember the classmate’s name but claims he comes from a world where magic exists because he himself is a wizard._

“That could be referencing anyone, as I recall he and Brown used to be a thing so maybe in his desperation he said said anything that would make his case.”

“Draco,” Hermione pleaded.

“What do you want me to do? I can’t have the ponce arrested again for slander because he’s not a wizard any longer. And as far as I know, Weasley’s never seen you naked, so he can’t judge. Can he?” Draco narrows his eyes at his wife who is now biting her lower lip.

“Well—”

“He’s seen you naked?!”

“Draco, calm down. Ron’s never seen me naked, but others have, including,” she sighed her cheeks reddening as she bit her lip again, “an American muggle pornographer,” she said the last part quietly.

Draco’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “When did you do porn?” He asked but his tone was less angry and just curious.

Hermione sat there in the Lord’s study with her face in her hands.

“After Scorp was born, I was talking to Ginny and she said that after she could get rid of the baby fat after Albus, she decided to do something that just made her feel good about her body so she told me about her contact and I called him up while in Los Angeles on business and you were busy in Tokyo,” Hermione admitted.

“Wait, you and Red both have a porn past?”

Hermione nodded.

“And did he satisfy you?”

Hermione shook her head and once more bit her lip, “It wasn’t that kind of shoot. I was naked in a room with vibrators and other sex toys and two stationary cameras and I had 15 minutes to come as many times as I could.”

“So, you played with yourself and there’s video evidence of it and Red has a similar video?” Draco asked intrigued.

Hermione nodded shyly and then dared to look her husband in the eye and saw the smirk that always got her drenched. She lowered her head immediately as he stood and took the few steps toward her.

“Naughty little girl,” Draco drawled. Hermione squeezed her legs together tighter as his words caused that familiar feeling to swell in her. “You know the rules, they are well established, and you know the penalty for breaking those rules, don’t you?” He questioned with a saucy whisper into her ear. Hermione shuddered.

“Don’t you?” Draco asked again, more forceful.

“Y-yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

Draco smirked, “Bend over the armrest of the couch,” he ordered.

Hermione complied quickly, the moisture in her knickers spreading quickly.

“Count.”

And so she did, every one. Her exposed bum was a flush pinkish-red by the time he stopped and she was a writhing mess over the couch’s armrest.

“Please—” Hermione moaned wiggling her exposed arse at him.

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me!”

Draco smirked, “What’s the magic word?”

“Please fuck me now, sir!” She moaned wantonly.

Draco smirked again, as he quickly undid his trousers and gave his darling wife what she wanted. Hermione mewled and keened at the feeling of being deliciously stretched by her husband.

“Please… let… me… come…” Hermione moaned in between his forceful thrusts.

“Naughty, naughty,” Draco tsked as he pounded her harder, “You know the rule.”

“But—“ Hermione turned and pleaded with her eyes.

“What’s the rule?”

“I can’t come until sir lets me,” Hermione recited softly as Draco withdrew.

“Good girl. Come.” Draco ordered.

And Hermione did, coming apart as her husband thrust into her hard once, twice, three times. Spasming around his member, and then on his fourth, he hit her spot, which caused her to come again, this time squirting hard, the force enough to push Draco out, memories of September 1st coming back to the both of them. As Draco pushes back in he loses all control.

“Oh Hermione…” he calls out as he reaches his climax and empties himself in her warmth.

After several minutes the pair sated and sweaty try to move instead Draco says, “Do you still have the video?”

Hermione looked surprised but nodded.

“Here’s what we're going to do, we’re going to watch your porn debut, fuck, then tomorrow I’m going to have a long talk with Potter and Longbottom to let them know their wives are just as horny pervs as mine is. Then I’m going to tell Longbottom that his wife screwed Weasley and because of that he’s somehow getting traces of his former life back then I’m going to call an emergency meeting of the Wizengamot and have Weasley brought in for questioning and if need be a follow up Obliviate. How does that sound?”

Hermione moaned in compliance, clearly, her brain was still between in her legs.

“Excellent,” Draco smirked as he Apparated them to the Master’s suite.

* * *

Later that night while spooning Hermione in bed, Draco remarked with a laugh, "I can't believe in order to achieve peace in the Wizarding world I have to tell your best friend and Longbottom that my wife and theirs did porn."

"Shut up, Draco," Hermione rolled her eyes as she snuggled in closer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco invites everyone to breakfast and reveals his plan… with a couple of surprises.

  
“Ahh,” Draco moaned as Hermione popped his member out of her wet and warm mouth happily. Then she swallowed, licking her lips. “Holy fuck…” he sighed as he came for… he lost count since yesterday morning. 

Hermione, his usually demure bookworm had shown him her porn video and minutes in, he was fucking his wanton wife in time with herself on the video. Then he lost count of how many times they had both come after. And then this morning, she had woken him up with her mouth and he got to enjoy her mouth and pussy before he finished in her mouth. As his beloved wife, finished her protein she collapsed back on the bed.

“Happy belated birthday, darling,” Hermione said breathless as she turned her head to look at her husband.

“Indeed. So when you told me ’you had something special for me’ by floo Thursday, this is what you had in mind?”

Hermione smiles lazily, “I never planned on revealing to my husband I did porn, much less show it, but the sex was the end goal.”

“Who would’ve guessed that underneath the conservative skirt and sensible heels was a slut?” Draco remarks casually.

Hermione smiled at his words and curls in closer because it was true. Others may have seen her naked but she only belonged to him, had only had him. He was her first and last. 

Minutes past before Draco started to laugh. 

“What’s so funny?”

He snickered before answering. “Just that you and Red went and did porn because of Loony.”

Hermione frowned, “She’s not crazy, Draco.”

Draco waved her off, “I know, it’s just… given her lineage, I’m surprised she decided on Weasley.”

“What are you talking about, Draco?”

Instead of answering, Draco looks at the clock on the nightstand and sighs, “I’ll explain in a little bit but how about we get some breakfast? You tired me out, witch,” he smiles fondly at his wife which she returned, “On second thought, let me pop over to the Potters and Longbottoms and I can explain while we all eat.”

Hermione agreed and the two headed for the bathroom to freshen up. 

While Hermione and one of the kitchen elves busied with breakfast, Draco headed for the floo and floo’d to Grimmauld Place.

* * *

As Draco brushes off the floo powder from the fireplace, he hears voices coming from the kitchen, he heads there.

“Boo!” Draco exclaimed, seeing Harry Potter engrossed by the Daily Prophet, shocking Ginny Potter.

Ginny not expecting Draco, screamed and dropped her plate of eggs, bacon, and grilled tomatoes.

“Dammit, Malfoy! My breakfast.”

Draco laughed.

Harry observed the scene and sighed, “What do you want, Malfoy? It’s entirely too early for you to be in my house and causing trouble.”

“Your house? That’s rich Potter, last I checked this was and still is a Black family residence and I as Lord Black am entitled to it, you’re lucky I agreed with Hermione suggestion of not charging you rent.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Whatever, what do you want, Malfoy?” 

“I’m here to invite you to breakfast at Folkestone.”

At that moment Neville and Luna walked in, “Sorry we’re late Harry—“ Neville began before realising Malfoy was also present.

“Ah, Longbottoms, how fortuitous. This saves me a trip. Why don’t you all come to Folkestone for breakfast, after we eat I will explain myself.”

The two couple look at each other and shrug in agreement.

“Excellent. Hermione and the elves are probably preparing a feast. Come along.”

As Draco leads the group toward the floo, Luna whispers to Ginny, “Do you think he knows?”

Ginny paused for a moment then smiles deviously, “If he does, then we are in for quite a breakfast.”

* * *

Minutes later as the group brush floo powder off them in the Floo Room of Folkestone Castle, Ginny rushes off to see Hermione with Luna in tow.

“So you finally told Draco,” Ginny says in lieu of hello.

Hermione sets the last place setting and looks at Ginny, “Yes, is that a problem?” 

“Not a problem, it’s just… I win. Pay up, Hermione,” Ginny grins.

“Fuck…” Hermione mutters under her breath, “I totally forgot about that.”

Ginny laughs, “So, spill.”

Hermione sighs, “Do I really have to?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Ginny says more assertively.

“I’m curious myself,” Luna says making herself known.

Hermione turns to look at the former Ravenclaw, “Oh Luna, I didn’t see you.”

“Quit stalling Hermione,” Ginny says.

“But…” 

“No buts, you lost fair and square you’ve now got to spill the goods.”

Hermione sighs again, “Fine.”

Ginny jumps in-place triumphantly. “So how big is Draco?”

Instead of answering, Hermione points to her forearm and waits.

Seconds pass before the other women understood.

“Really?” Ginny asks shocked.

Hermione gives her a significant look.

“Both length and girth?”

Hermione gives her another significant look.

“You lucky bitch. I bet that feels exquisite.”

Hermione smirks her husband’s smirk, “You have no idea.”

At that moment Draco and the other men walk in, “Who has no idea about what?” Draco asks having heard his wife.

Instead of answering all three witches giggle, leaving their husbands confused.

“Women,” Draco addresses Harry and Neville with a shake of his head. “Well, let’s eat, I’m bloody famished.”

“Aren’t you going to tell us why we’re here?” Harry asks as he takes a seat.

“After,” Draco replies as he digs into his breakfast.

The rest shrug and soon the dining room of Folkestone is filled with cutlery scraping and chewing.

* * *

After breakfast, the group retire to Folkestone’s Sun Room.

“So Malfoy what is it that required you to barge into Grimmauld Place so damn early and invite everyone to breakfast?” Harry asks again.

“One second,” Draco says, “Accio Hermione’s National Enquirer!” Seconds later a muggle newspaper zooms into Draco’s non-wand hand.

Draco drops the newspaper onto the coffee table. “To answer your question, Potter, this.”

Harry leans in and looks at the newspaper.

“What the hell is this?” Harry asks confused.

“And why the hell is Luna’s name on it?” Neville asks after he too, read the headline.

“This, gentle wizards, was Ron Weasley’s testimony in muggle court. He claims that he is a wizard because he claims that he had sex with Luna and by some miracle the act of coitus with Lovegood made him remember Hermione, for which he exclaimed this… unforgettable quote,” Draco explains smugly.

Neville turns to Luna, “You slept with Ron?”

“She did more than that, Longbottom.” Draco turns to Luna, “Do you want to tell him or should I?”

“I’ll do it,” Luna says dreamily. “Neville, do you remember when I went to New York?”

Neville nods.

“Well, I was approached by a man who offered me $10,000 muggle US dollars to appear in an adult video, which I accepted. Well, the scene turned out to be a guy/girl one-on-one scene and Ron was the guy.”

“You made a porn? With Ron?” Neville asked incredulously.

“It was before we were married. Or even dating.” Luna defended.

Neville calmed at that, he had no say in what his wife did before they got together, “I suppose… I can’t be mad at you for that, just one question, was he better than me?”

Luna giggles, “No Nev, you dear husband are much, much better,” as the petite blonde cozied up to her husband, further placating him. 

Neville let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he held his darling wife close.

Draco cleared his throat, “As intriguing as hearing about your performance in bed is, Longbottom, there’s more to this. After your wife had her little run-in with Weasley, at least I assume it was little,” Draco looked to Luna for confirmation which she gave, and he laughed. “Red here, met up with according to my wife the same pornographer this time in Los Angeles and did a solo shoot herself and recommended it to Hermione, who also decided to do it after Red suggested.”

“You did what?!” Harry bellowed.

“Calm down, Potter,” Draco rolled his eyes at the Wizarding world’s saviour. “If you are worried about your wife doing another man, relax, all she and Hermione ever did was masturbate on camera,” then Draco looked at Hermione hungrily, “which was incredibly hot.”

“You’ve seen Ginny’s porn video?” Harry asked with a harsh bite.

“No, you idiot, I saw Hermione’s and it was incredibly hot.”

Harry shook his head, “Ugh, I can’t take much more of this, just tell us why the fuck we’re here.”

“Must you always ruin my fun?” Draco addresses Harry.

Harry glared at him.

Draco sighed, “Fine, to spare Saint Potter, I will get to the point. It appears that Ron Weasley is getting traces of his memories as a wizard back, however, it does not appear that he has any powers. Essentially he’s a squib. It is unclear how this is happening, but if I had to hazard a guess it seems that sometime during his encounter with Lovegood, his mind knew that he was screwing a witch and again this is an assumption but it would seem that during intercourse he happened to have accidentally invoked an ancient sex magic ritual that binds the memory to whatever he was looking at, I assume Lovegood’s tits since that’s what he can recall. All in all, this is a problem because in the centuries since the Ministry was founded there has never been a case of an Obliviate being overpowered by a sex act. Therefore, I and only I,” Draco looked directly at Harry, “Will bring Weasley in for questioning and then you Potter as Head of IUM can conduct tests and whatever else to ensure that Weasley is in fact still properly Obliviated and if need be perform another Obliviate.”

“That seems a little extreme,” Harry said, “If he’s remembering maybe it’s time to bring him back into the fold—“

“I knew you were going to suggest that. Potter, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again you are a good man albeit somewhat misguided when it comes to Ron Weasley. I realise that he was your first friend in the Wizarding world and that you eventually married into his family but you owe a criminal—both wizarding and muggle—nothing. No offence, Red.”

Ginny waved him off not offended in the least, “None taken.”

“I will then convene the Wizengamot and have them decide his son’s fate, given that MACUSA wants the Ministry to take in Wendell.” Draco finished explaining the steps going forward, “But I do believe the biggest takeaway from all of this is that the three witches present are all perverted little sexpots, and that is something that needs to be celebrated,” Draco smiled.

Hermione groaned, Ginny rolled her eyes, Luna blushed.

Harry and Neville glared at the patrician blond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. Chapter 2 of "You Did What" is up. I wrote this six times, before I got it to what you've just read. Hope you enjoyed it. Quicker updates to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah… I don't know why I wrote porn, but here you go. 
> 
> Stay safe (i.e. inside) and I hope you enjoyed a bit of Dramione fanservice.
> 
> EDIT: In the future, if you see piss poor grammar and/or totally botched spelling on my part, please let me know. :)


End file.
